Vaccine fails to live up to false promise

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Actor and comedian Michael Rapaport on social media recently bemoaned and questioned the efficacy of the COVID-19 vaccine.

Where was his horn?

In conversations he had had with anti-vaxxers he was told the shot would cause him to grow a horn. Like a unicorn.

It had been months since he had received the potentially life-saving injection and yet no horn was protruding. Not even a nub.

He seemed disappointed.

It started me thinking about my own experience with the vaccine and the promises I was made.

I was told vaccines would inject a microchip into our bodies. Given the timing of BIG TECH’s and BIG TELECOMM’s roll out of 5G towers, it was clear it had something to do with cell phone reception.

If that was the case the experiment was a massive fail.

I still occasionally drop out of calls with people who live or work in concrete underground structures or in the hillier parts of the county—though sometimes if I tilt my head a certain angle while facing north and stand mid-step, reception improves for a minute or so before the call is cut off again.

I know someone else who has the two-dose vaccine (The Chip, wink, wink). I went on a shopping run for them and couldn’t remember everything on their list.

I pressed my forefinger to where I had my vaccine injected to activate the communications device and thought “Hey, what kind of crackers do you want again?” No response.

I repeated the action at the base of my skull, my temples, my wrists and by plugging my ears. Nothing. I even twiddled my thumbs as though I were typing on a keyboard:

WHAT KIND OF CRACKERS DO U WANT M LEAVING SOON.

Not a word. Finally I communicated with them the old fashioned way—via cell phone. Lame! (The crackers of choice were Ritz, not Cheez-Its).

So it turns out the vaccine isn’t so great at improving telecommunications, at least not for me.

Aside from that I feel good, though occasionally I do find myself fighting off a panic attack.

But that has more to do with the knowledge that there are still people who refuse to get a vaccine and insist on parading in public without a face covering.

Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be a cure for that strain of carelessness.

Vaccine fails to live up to false promise