So this is where we are in national politics: A Los Angeles congresswoman, Loretta Sanchez, “dabbed” during a debate between herself and California Attorney General Kamala Harris as they vie to become California’s next senator.
“Dab”ing, for anyone who is over 23 years old or no longer living in 2015, is a motion in which a person momentarily tucks his or her face into the crook of their elbow — as if they are blocking a sneeze — while simultaneously flinging back their other arm. Picture Dracula suddenly sneezing into his elbow while at the same time shielding his face from the sun and you have a good idea of what the move looks like. It’s what all the cool kids and athletes were doing last year in night clubs and ball fields, presumably as a way of punctuating a deft move or stellar accomplishment.
Anyway, yeah, Sanchez dabbed. And rather than stay mired in depression over the state of degrading dignity among leaders, I’m instead embracing their moments of silliness and proposing they, and we, adopt other forms of expression.
For example, the next time I’m watching TV and I see Mayor Mary Casillas Salas in a commercial supporting a North County housing development (Lilac Hills Ranch) I’ll jump up and do the “whatthe.”
Whatthe is a move in which a person makes one full clockwise circle with their head and immediately withdraws it as if a wadded diaper is being shoved under their nose. The head motion is accompanied by a small leap to the tippy toes and quick steps backward to indicate back peddling. Whatthe can be used in those moments when at first you are astonished and then puzzled by what you are watching, ultimately falling back quickly in retreat.
For those times when you hear something preposterously contradictory — say when presidential candidate Donald Trump insists he never denied climate change or his running mate insists Trump never said what he said, or when a Chula Vista council person such as Pamela Bensoussan advocates for hard term limits when she is running for mayor but changes her mind as she approaches her final year in office — you and your posse (the kids are still saying that these days, right?) can “hoppyshake.”
Hoppyshakin’ is when you mimic doubling over in laughter and slapping your knee, while at the same time hopping on one foot while shaking out the other, as if you are trying to dislodge an impacted chunk of bull manure from in between your toes.
For added effect you can add pinching your nose and shaking your head with your tongue hanging out to signify you’re not crazy enough to buy what anyone is selling this campaign season. I’d like to call that the stanky hoppyshake and it’s appropriate to dance that any time of year.
