I know better than to even imagine speaking on behalf of women. So I won’t. And in all likelihood I’m probably not on solid ground when it comes to making remarks that reflect the feelings of most men.
But…
There is no day that causes greater anxiety for males than Valentine’s Day. Not even a scheduled colorectal exam by a stone-fisted physician causes more stress and worry. In fact, we’d be happier celebrating a Kidney Stone Passing Day with an annual reenactment then we would living through the horrors of Feb. 14.
In grade school boys are introduced to the pain of young love as they wait desperately to find out if the object of their secret crush feels the same way. It’s a losing proposition.
If the boy does receive a card and candy from his special one then the rest of the class knows and their public love subjects him to endless taunts from his 10-year-old peers.
If she chooses another boy then he lives with the heartbreak of rejection for the remainder of the school year (or lunch time, depending on his resilience).
In high school, boys — whose lives and motivations are directed by testosterone and other hormones — experience life on a hypersensitive level. They’re realistic in knowing what their teenaged budgets can afford — a stuffed animal, a single red rose, maybe a shiny bauble — but not emotionally equipped to realize that the presents they give are not generally accepted as tokens of life-long love and commitment by the girls of their dreams.
Some time in their 20s, maybe even their 30s, young men realize that the objects of their affection really don’t want the lingerie that some clothiers would have us think that they do. We learn the hard, embarrassing way that women don’t want to prance around in the living room in heels and a shiny teddy.
What, then, do women want?
If we ask them some will tell us nothing. But any man who’s been around for a while knows nothing doesn’t mean nothing, it means something and it’s our job to know what that special something is.
Other women will tell men exactly what they want and that’s a helpful piece of advice. But the problem then becomes one of repetition. Should the same items be gifted the following year? Does a nice dinner and necklace have the same meaning the 12th year of a relationship as it does the third? Or does it show a lack of imagination and less emotional commitment to the female partner?
And what if the gifts don’t keep getting better or more thoughtful over time? Will that be taken as a sign that the interest is waning, when really it’s just a sign that when it comes to expressing love on command men don’t have a clue.
At least when a man is headed to a doctor’s office for a nether region exam he knows what’s expected. On Valentine’s all bets are off.
