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Mark your calendars Carlos R. Davalos | Sat, Jun 15 2013 12:00 PM

The sound of the dismissive groan surprised even me. Given that I was the only one in the car there was no point in looking around to see where it came from. The groaner was me.

On the radio, an NPR segment featured an author retelling the story of how her child, Zach, had decided he could no longer wish his father a happy Father’s Day because Daddy was now a mommy, having “transitioned” from male to female roughly a decade ago.

Instead, this Sunday — in the Boylan household at least — wishes of “Happy Maddy’s Day” (a combination of mommy and daddy) will replace the traditional “Happy Father’s Day” as greetings and presents are bestowed upon the family’s former  patriarch.

The umbrage I had toward Jennifer Finney Boylan’s story wasn’t directed at his decision to become a she. Instead it was with the possibility that here was another Hallmark holiday in the making. Yet one more day in which I could not meet expectations.

Already I’m below average when it comes to marking special days with greeting cards. The chances of my mother or father getting a card on their disgnated appreciation day is 50-50. The same for birthdays. And Christmas. And Easter. Or Valentine’s.

Do I know any transgender or transexual people who are parents? (No, I don’t think so. But how would I definitively know?) and should I now be on the lookout for Maddy’s Day cards?

I’ve already missed National Sibling Day (April 10) for the last 29 years — though none of my brothers and sisters have bothered to send me swag during that time. And even when they were still alive, Grandma and Grandpa never got a card from me on Grandparents Day (Sept. 8).

There are just too many days set aside to make people feel special for no other reason than they happen to be breathing.

Pet Owners Day was April 18. The only thing I got around that time was a vet bill and a pile of poop.
Thank a Mailman Day was Feb. 4 and even if I had decided to send a card to my letter carrier, chances are the card would have ... well, why even go there?

Thankfully, appreciation for aunts and uncles has been consolidated to July 26, but what if my uncle is no longer my uncle because of marital strife or if, in fact, “Uncle Johnny” wasn’t really my uncle? Do the former uncles get Funcle’s Day cards?

Cousin’s Day is July 24 while Son and Daughter’s Day is Aug. 11. Friendship Day is Aug. 4, though if you have a female significant other don’t confuse — or try to consolidate — that day with Girlfriend’s Day on Aug. 1.

Most notably, however, is Oct. 15 — National Grouch Day. Send cards to the address below.

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